Here we go again.....

Well I went and saw my Care co-ordinator today. Told her what had been going on and that I had stopped taking my meds cos I was so pissed off with them, and what did she do? Yup, she went and got the Duty Doctor (bloody typical, there never around when I need them!) and they have put me on yet another medication. I've literally lost count of the different medications I've been put on in the last three years or so. It's got to the point where I might as well do research into new drugs as I'd be on them for longer! Anyway this Doctor who obviously hasn't read my notes, cos she didn't know about my eating disorder or allergies to medications, wanted to put me on Olanzapine. Now for those of you who are not aware one of the major and most common side effects of this drug is weight gain. I know a lot of people who take this drug and they all moan about their weight. So how the bloody hell it can help a recovering anorexic is beyond me! Anyway after much argument, I put my foot down and she's now put me on Risperidone. I've never heard of this drug, have no idea about it, all I know is that is is licensed for use as a Mood stabilizer and for the treatment of Schizophrenia. To be honest I don't care what it is supposed to do I just want to feel normal and not have so many bloody mood swings. Is that too much to ask???

Eating Disorders CAN KILL

I know this happened a few days ago but someting I saw on the internet triggered this blog. Terri Schiavo died on Thursday due to having her feeding tube removed. It has been widely publicised in the press all over the world. The one thing I find upsetting is they have barely mentioned what caused her to have a heart attack at the age of 26. This young woman had anorexia for years and finally her body had had enough, she had a heart attack and her brain was starved of oxygen. I was browsing through other blogs and came across Terry Schiavos blog. I was expecting a blog written by her family explaining to the outside world what had happenned. I was sorely mistaken, this blog is nothing but an appauling and offensive work of some sick wanker and the comments on the blog are even worse. As I have an eating disorder and always will do it brings home how dangerous these behaviours are yet I still find it impossible to 'get over it' it affects me every day and I just hope that if something like this happens to me all my family and friends will agree to turn off the life support machine as I wouldn't want what happenned to Terri happen to me.

There is a website that is fantastic at helping people come to terms with eating disorders and is full of information for people affected by the illnesses. It can be found at www.something-fishy.org. I hope some of you can take the time to have a look at it as it gives a good understanding of what it is like to have an eating disorder and live with sufferers.

In the Community

Since my last blog I 've had my medication changed so many times and have had numerous side effects that I can't be bothered with it anymore. My community team are absolute shit to say the least. A few weeks ago I had a psychotic episode which meant a trip to A&E in an ambulance at 2 in the morning. I couldn't go to the Emergency Clinic because ambulances can't take pateints there (no idea why!), anyway I got to A&E with my 14 month old son in tow. He wasn't happy cos mummy woke him up. I sat there for 4 hours until someone came and spoke to me. There was a shortage of Doctors that night (so they said but having worked in an A&E it just felt like they didn't want to know cos I was mad!) so I was discharged and sent home. The hospital said they would contact my Community team but I still haven't heard from them weeks later. I went to see my GP to discuss things and he is fantastic, he didn't know what had caused the episode and didn't pretend to know. At least he was honest. He rang my community team for them to see me urgently and still no news! I'm supposed to see them this wednesday but to be honest i'm not sure I can be bothered to go. If they can't ring me when i'm seriously ill why should I go to see them when i'm feeling well?

Thats one of the annoying things about having manic depression. On occasions I feel absolutely fine and don't even realise that i'm ill, at other times it is all too obvious when i'm feeling like shit, and have horrendous difficulty even carrying out the most simplest of tasks, like making a cup of tea for example. It is just too much effort. When i'm high I don't realise it until I come back down so that doesn't bother me too much unless i've done something completely stupid, but i've got a great bunch of friends who take me as I am and for that I am eternally grateful.